It's writers workshop time!

This week I picked two of the prompts from Mama Kats Writers Workshop.
# 3 - Tell us about Grandpa and #5 - Three things we want to know about you


#3 - Grandpa

I told you about one of my Grandpas last week on his birthday. This week I will tell about my other Grandpa, known as Papa Jerry. He passed away in May, and I have struggled with the loss since. I miss him very much and still feel guilt for not being there in his final moments and for being in Florida for the last two years away from him and my grandma. Here is my way of telling a little bit about a one of a kind, amazing man.

• Letting me "drive" when I was little
• $2 allowance every week (for doing nothing)
• Werthers candies with every birthday gift
• Pretending to be mad when I "stole" his peppermint candies
• Letting me comb his hair..mohawks, barrettes, and spikes were just a few styles
• Lollipops stocked in the secret desk drawer at all times
• The handmade tv stand
• Neon golf balls (and white ones too) stored in egg crates. Lots and lots of golf balls
• He insisted on wearing jeans even laying in the hospital bed
• The customary hey little lady greeting
• Buying me the pogo ball when Dad said no
• Buying me just about anything when Dad said no
• Making sure Moms resting place was always clean, pretty, and had flowers
• Friday night Fish dinners at the Moose
• Breakfasts at Choo Choos
• He always had a pen and notebook in his front shirt pocket
• A gentle giant
• Always taking care of Grandma who misses him so (married for 62 years)
• Treating my mom, his daughter in law, like his own.
• Always feeling safe in his presence.
  

It's a small small list of just a few of the little things that added up to one amazing, larger than life man. I am beyond lucky to have had such an amazing man for a grandfather.

Love you lots Papa Jerry! Missing you very much


# 5
Three things you might want to know about me
Here goes

1) Even at 32, I am still a little scared of the dark. When Jim travels I leave a light on when I go to bed. Because no one can come into the house and attack me if there is a light on....right?

2) A year ago I took up sewing and now I am obsessed.
I bought the sewing machine on a whim. I was buying fabric to re-upholster a chair and a woman was buying fabric to make a purse. She told me how easy it was, and then pointed to my purse and told me I could definitely make a similar purse with ease. One week later, I bought a beginners sewing book and a sewing machine. I have made purses, aprons, skirts, quilts, hot pads and more. I love it!

3) I wear my heart (and every other emotion) on my sleeve.
I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I laugh at my own jokes. When I am happy, or sad, or angry, it shows. I spent a long time trying to change it, thinking it was a negative. As an adult, and through my family, friends, and hubby I have realized that it's just a part of who I am. It is one of the things that makes me, well me. They like me (usually), I like me, and at the end of the day that is good enough for me.

I'll be happy when...

Prompt is courtesy of Kathy and writers workshop

Is it considered cheating to say I am already happy?
It's true you know.

Then again, I'll be happier when...

• The tile floor that takes up 85% of our house mops itself
• The same tile floor sweeps itself first. First with the broom, then with the Swiffer.
  
• The tile floor teaches the area rug to self clean
• Our cat Cagney brushes herself daily
• I can have a golden sun kissed glow without sun, either real or artificial
• My husband musters the strength to place the TP on the actual holder.
  
• The Dunkin Donuts staff stop asking me "and sugar" when I say "decaf toasted almond coffee with cream only please". I know it's silly, but it bothers me.
• People stop saying irregardless. I am sure it's listed in some dictionary, but it's really not a word, it's redundant and in my opinion a double negative. The less in regardless makes it a negative (without regard or not taking into account). So wouldn't irregardless mean NOT without regard. Either way you look at it, it's redundant.
  
• Giada and I spend an afternoon getting manicures (have I ever mentioned I love her nails), having lunch and cooking together.
  
• Alton Brown joins us for dessert
• Ina, Duff, and Tyler stop for some coffee.
  
• They all chat and realize I am just need some fine tuning, talk to the Food Network and give me my own show.
• My brother decides that Melt just isn't the same without me and stops going unless I am in town
• West Palm Beach and Cleveland are in the same county, in the same state.
• Bacon becomes a health food

Its a good thing I am a happy, lucky girl already!

In just three minutes or less

I am back on Kathys Writers Workshop

I can......

Make a yummy latte. Technically Giovanni can, but he belongs to me so that counts as something I can do. (Giovanni is the coffee machine)

Empty the dishwasher

Tell a corny joke...Why was the math book so sad? Because it had a lot of problems!

Remind myself of things I should be happy and grateful for

Call my Dad and get cheered up (he is sweet, but he gets right to the point)

Leave a comment on a blog (subtle hint)

File my nails

Find something funny (and clean) on YouTube...like this or this

Remind you all that March is Colorectal Cancer Awareness month. (Really, pay attention people)

Buy a new cookbook at Amazon that I am super excited about. King Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking. I'll let you know how the recipes work out after this weekend.


By the way..I really want to be friends with Giada De Laurentiis, and Alton Brown as well. I love Giadas cooking, and her nails are awesome. Really, every time I watch I want her manicure. And Alton could answer all my food questions.

On my mind

For Mama Kats writers workshop

A list of ten things on my mind this week (in no particular order)

1. If the neighborhood security guard will ever stop laughing at me since they had to come and show me how to turn off our smoke alarm. You mess up flat iron steak ONE time....

2. If I will be considered the old parent when my kids are in high school since I am almost 32 and still don't have kids yet.

3. How much I miss my nieces and nephews

4. How many seconds would I last before Gordon Ramsey made me cry

5. Do people REALLY think Punxsutawny Phil will predict the weather.

6. Does Ang still want to change her name to Punxsutawny Phil?

7. My grandparents

8. Is it possible I should really be turning 62? I just started a quilting class. No joke

9. When a recipe calls for 1/2C nuts, chopped do you measure then chop, or chop then measure? Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm? (for the record, I chop then measure)

10. What makes Sonic Cherry Limeade so addicting?

Miss Independent

Mama Kats Writers Workshop
Other than the birth of a child or your wedding, write about a joyous moment.

This is our old house. Isn't it adorable. It is 100 years old. I loved that house. It was charming, it had character, and the turret going up the side just screamed "Buy me, I'm cute You need me". It also laughed in my face and heckled "You now have to cut about 10 more corners in order to paint the rooms I am part of. BA-HA-HA-HA!!!"
Jim and I walked into this house and just knew it was ours. Being that it was 100 years old, it came with some "quirks", but that was ok. We took care of our baby and enjoyed the time we had with it. When it was time sell her, we were embarking on a new adventure and we were ok leaving the house behind. It was during this time I had an amazingly joyous moment.

Jim and I have a fairly traditional marriage in my opinion. We both work full time, so household duties are pretty much a 50/50 split. The split is traditional in the sense that he thinks little elves put away his laundry and I have no clue when the oil in my car needs changed unless he tells me.
When the time came to sell our house, we both struggled with our "roles". Jim began spending the majority of his time in Florida in Jan 2007, and made the permanent move in March. I didn't move til May. Things needed to get done to sell our house during that time and he couldn't be in Ohio to take care of it all. We had plenty of people that would help, but once the ball started rolling we were under a huge time crunch. I had to step up. Jim felt bad, I was less than thrilled, but it didn't matter, things had to get done. Our normally traditional roles had to shift.
Nothing major needed done, but little things add up quick. One of the first things our realtor told us when he came in March (um still snowing in Ohio), was that we needed to paint the porch. Curb appeal is big he said, and even though its winter, you can still make a statement. We kind of panicked. The porch need painted, closets needed emptied, the worlds tiniest, weirdest shaped, impossible to get a ladder in bathroom need painted, etc. etc. It was winter so we had weather among other things stacked against us. The only weekend Jim could have done it before we listed it rained/sleeted/snowed. Finding a painter was ridiculous, and we were both freaking out over getting it all done.
One day after work I did what I do best. I made lists. Lots of lists. Then, I yelled at myself and reminded myself that I could do this. "You are a strong, smart woman. You are independent. Jim is always there for you and now it is time for you to step up and take care of things. He is living alone in a condo in Florida, starting a new position, and has a lot going on. Get it together, make a plan and make it happen." And I did.
I watched the weather for a nice day, took a vacation day, enlisted our friend Joe and painted the porch (and didn't tell Jim - I wanted to surprise him). Joe arrived at about 1 and I had been painting for hours. He stayed til dark and we finished up what would have been a two day project with the porch light on to help us that same day. I felt awesome, I felt strong, and it was truly a joyous moment.

I should note that the joyous event left me on high. Joe left, and I proceeded upstairs to paint the bathroom. I still curse that teeny tiny awkward bathroom. I was on a roll and stayed up all night cleaning closets, scrubbing floors and making chandeliers sparkle. So as joyous as it was, I didn't sleep at all that night and when I arrived at work at 7 the next morning one of just two guys in our pretty girly department, Nick said "Hey Carrie, how is everything going". I then proceeded to start crying because I still needed to paint the trim in one of the crazy turret rooms and I just wanted it all to be done with. I think I may have scared him. Poor Nick.

It was worth it though. Jim looked so happy when he came home you would have thought the Browns won the Super Bowl, The Indians won the World Series, and the Cavs won the NBA Finals all on the same day. We sold our house in less than one month and when I arrived in Florida in May, we didn't have the house to worry about and could concentrate the adventure ahead.


ps - did birth of A child, mean any child, or one of your own children? Cuz I was there when my niece Kara was born and it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. She is eight and I still tear up thinking about it. I am also still mad at her for saying Jim first. I witnessed your entrance into the world kara! That ought to count for something.

Balancing Act

This week one of ideas we were given for Writers Workshop was:
Describe your significant other's most attractive quality (on the inside).

I could truly go on about the amazing man I get to spend life with, but I will say that one of his most amazing qualities is that he truly keeps me balanced.
Jim is as laid back as the come, but:
When I am sad, he reminds of all I have to be happy about
When I am angry, he does just the right thing to make me laugh.
When I am hurt, he tries to ease the pain.
When I feel really bad for the little old man eating by himself at a restaurant, he gets it and rather than tease me he says "No worries, his wife is probably out shopping" or "His wife was probably watching reality TV and he wanted to get out of the house."
When I am really excited about something he shares the excitement (even if he doesn't find excitement in taking a quilting class)
When I laugh at my own jokes, he says "Hon, you're a riot"
When I struggled with the uncertainty of moving to Florida, he spent hours making lists with me while sipping coffee even though he just knew everything would fall into place.
When I am really missing my friends back in Ohio, he goes shopping and to girl movies with me.
When I don't want to make dinner (yes it happens), he just knows and says "Hey, how about we have cereal for dinner tonight, or order a pizza."

I am a worrier. I am emotional. I wear my heart on my sleeve and in the past I thought I needed to change it.
I took me years to accept and even embrace that part of me (and its still a work in progress), but Jim just did. I love him for that and so many other reasons

Some amazing friends I have never met

This is Mamas Losing It's Writers Workshop
Write about your first blogging friend
This is the story of some of my blog pals. It covers only a few of them, but here goes:

My first blog friend was Jennifer at the The Petersons Go Public.
And here is our story (HA!)
I first found blogs when I did a search for crockpot recipes (for realsies). In my search on google I got this blog as a result. Stephanie completed her mission and posted a crockpot recipe (that she made) every single day in 2008. Anyhow, one day I had a question about an ingredient from an older post/recipe and went to ask in the comment section. I starting reading through the comments and thought Jennifer was funny because she asked if she could skip the sauteing of the chicken before placing it in the crockpot. After all she said, she wanted to Crock, not Cook. I clicked on her profile and started reading.

At this point, I didn't have my own blog and no interest in getting one. AT ALL. I am boring, I don't have kids, and dinner at The Cheesecake Factory followed by a lap around Williams Sonoma while drinking a St@rbucks is exciting for me, which doesn't translate to exciting to the rest of the world. I kept checking Jennifers blog, and a few sites she was linked to. My interest started to peak, but again, I have nothing to offer.

Then one day, Jim suggested I post about my cooking and baking and the things I created at cake decorating class. So it began.

And it kind of sucked (sorry for using that word Grandma)

My aunt commented on the first two posts, I am sure totally out of guilt and family responsibility, but other than that, for a while NO.ONE.CAME. And if they did, I didn't know it. I was ready to throw in the towel. I counted on certain people reading and commenting and it was disappointing to feel like I was really just typing to type.

Then I went back and started reading some of Jennifers older posts. It turns out we share the same heartache of losing our mothers. Losing a parent is, while an unwelcome one, a bond that ties people together. I emailed her suggesting a book that I had read (and reread) about dealing with the pain and ongoing struggles losing a mother presents a woman. She responded right away and I felt a bond with her. She was a friend. Not a blogger buddy or someone whose blog I read, but a friend.

Jennifer, in my opinion has had more heartaches than seems fair, but the thing of it was - she was writing about them, pouring her heart and soul out to a world of people. I started thinking maybe I could do more than just recipes and spice facts. I had a story too, and maybe someone out there wanted to read about it. The thing is, it's kind of risky out there. People can still judge you, and even more harshly because they don't have to do it "to your face" or even tie a name to who they are when they do. Still, I thought I could do it, I thought I wanted to do it, I just didn't know how.

So, while I was ready to branch out I was never sure where to start with making my blog a personal thing, and Kathy helped with that a ton! When she started writers workshop, it gave me an excuse, and a push to open up and start writing.

One of the first ones I did was tough for me. I was truly terrified to post it and I think I cried writing and reading it more than once. It was the first time I was "laying it all out there" Still, I posted, nervous and scared, and once again Jennifer swooped in and had this to say:

I kind of alluded to a comment on this, but it really deserves one of its own. You should really be writing! I love when someone can reach down into themselves and pull something like this out!
I cried because of your mom going. I cried because of your dad trying so hard to fill both roles. Those are so close to home right now---and it feels so good to know that someone else has endured what I have. You are a special lady Carrie! And I wish you only good things!
Thank you for this.

It was an unexpected compliment from someone I had never even met. Someone who didn't have to say it because I expected it. It truly pushed me to keep opening up. Thank you Jennifer!
And btw, my aunt may have a bone to pick with because she says I have made her cry too many times reading the blog recently!

Blogging has been great for me and in the last year I have:
Cried, laughed, been inspired, and found a new way to express myself here
Laughed til I nearly peed and found direction and inspiration to write here
Saw the true meaning of Faith in God here (tissues required)
Cried for a woman who traveled, met, and cared for a baby she was due to adopt before having the birth mother change her mind here
Learned that Jim forgetting to take out the trash (five minutes after I ask him to do it) isn't worth nagging over and that I should remember how lucky I am to have him here (I would seriously grab a tissue before going to that one) and here
Laughed out loud (and recently got great hair advice) here
Admired the strength and bonds of family here
Wondered if I could do the same if I were in her shoes here

Writers Workshop - Its all about Christmas

This weeks prompts should be easy enough, but I am struggling

1 A letter to Santa
2 Describe a favorite winter memory
3 You're snowed in with your family, what do you do all day
4 The best gift you have ever be given or gave
5 A Christmas tradition you have started with your own family

We only have to pick one, but its tough.
1 My letter to Santa would probably make me sound shallow because, while I am all about peace, love, and happiness, somewhere in there would be a request for a Coach Madeline Tote Purse. Then there would be me asking you to put Florida and Ohio a little closer, an afternoon with my mom, and oh yeah, a matching wallet for the purse.
You get the point
If you want some great letters, check out this post I did a while ago. Go here if you want to see them

2 Can a winter memory be from like three days ago. Here is what I remember, I was carrying about ten boxes into the post office to ship and I wasn't freezing, I didn't have on a hat, scarf, or gloves, and in fact was wearing flip flops. In other words 30 years of Ohio winter makes this winter cozy, just without the frostbite. Oh, the joys of Florida life. Did I mention I am wearing flip flops?

3 Jim and I are kind of boring. We would get up, have a yummy homemade breakfast (waffles or pancakes or a dutch baby), go back to bed, take a nap, watch a movie, I would sew or finally re-learn how to knit, he would play a video game. I should strike boring, because its fun and relaxing for us

4 That's a tough one. Really. I am very blessed and I know it. I can't name a best gift ever.

5 OK, I am kind of cheating on 5. It's just Jim and I. We long for the day when its "Us and the baby, or Us and the kids", but that is another story for another day. And I get that we are a family, but I guess I just always think of kids when I think of a family. The point is, I am trying to justify the fact that Jim and I don't really have our very own Christmas tradition. Are we horrible? We are making gingerbread houses together on Christmas Eve this year. Maybe that will start a tradition. Who knows? I do know this....My house is going to totally kicks his houses butt!
Our families do have traditions though, and I am going to share them (that's the cheating part)

My side of our family: My dad wears a Santa hat and passes out presents. Nothing too unusual there. However, before you receive each and every gift you have to say HO!~HO!~HO!
There are usually about 20 of us at the house and it's funny to watch as each person gets their gift. If you forget a HO!~HO!~HO! the present is snatched back from you. The little ones aren't even able to speak and can't say Mom or Dad, but they say HO!~HO!~HO!. I think Alyssa once snatched her sweet great-grandmas present back from her for not saying HO!~HO!~HO!
I don't know when or how it started, but it's fun!

Jims Mom: I could be wrong, but I think this one is thanks to my sister in laws husband Jon. Its the holiday cracker
These are so much fun. You pull them open and there is usually a joke or fortune, a toy, and a festive paper hat. They are now a must at every holiday gathering. As you can see here:
The holiday dinner with friends in 2006. Ummm...where are Jeff and Allison?
And a dinner I hosted with the family around the holidays, also in 2006.
The cracker king is the guy in the middle on the left
These also lead to an interesting encounter at World Market last week. We are having a few of our friends over for Brunch on Christmas Day ( I swear I am keeping it simple). Well, I can't have a holiday gathering without these, and I can usually count on World Market for them.
So I headed over to pick them up. I couldn't find them and started to panic. Finally I decide to just ask, and since I assumed everyone MUST know what holiday crackers were the conversation went like this:
ME(M): Hi, where are your Holiday Crackers
EMPLOYEE named Erin(E): Weeelll, we don't have a like special holiday cracker section, but there are all kinds of crackers back in the market section
M: No, I'm sorry, I mean Holiday Crackers that you break (demonstrating how they open)
and they have fun stuff in them
E: (puzzled look) What do you mean? What stuff in them, like a filling
M: Well, they kind of remind me of dynamite sticks and you pop them open and they have
toys and a paper hat in them. I should have been more clear. They aren't edible. Not like food crackers
E: They explode?
M: You know, I am probably not doing a good job explaining what they are (again, I am
demonstrating the pulling them apart action as if it is going to help at all). Is there someone
else we can ask, or maybe I can just keep looking.
E: Hey Lisa, do we have Holiday Crackers (I am STILL demonstrating as she yells over to
Lisa, don't ask me why)
Lisa: Sure do, behind you and to the left.

And there, not more than a few feet away is the display of Holiday Crackers. I am so excited and tell Erin that my brunch would not have been the same without them and try to show them to her. She is so over it and says simply "Can I take these to the counter for you while you shop"
Poor Erin.

Jon also brought Jaffa Cakes to the family and I am eternally grateful. I am a proud member of the Secret Order of the Smashing Orangey Bit. Actually, thats not true...I can't get the jaffa cake launch. And I spent a LOT of time on it. Trust me.

Jims Dad:
My special cd. I like country music. My secret is out. Every year Jims Dad makes me a cd with the top 20 country songs of that week (or weeks around Christmas). I love it, it's just for me and its personal. I was worried I wouldn't get one this year since we are staying in Florida. I should have know better. I got it. And I love it!!!!

Those are a few of our family traditions. I am sure Jim and I will start our own, but I will always look forward to these. And this year, I will dearly miss them.

Workshop Wednesday

This weeks prompts were tough. I went with
1 Write a haiku about what you see out the window.



Here it is

Palm trees and sunshine

No snow, mittens, hats, or scarves

Florida Winter

And, here is proof of what I see. I think I deserve extra credit for that!

Brace Yourself

Writers Workshop Wednesday

Deciding was tough this week,

But first, I invite you to my existence in Junior High. Which led to a life changing moment in High School

Picture this...
The year is 1990
You are in the middle of seventh grade.
You have lots of friends, your mom just scored you a Guess Sweatshirt and a Swatch watch. You have perfected the puffiest bangs possible, secured with lots of Aqua Net Hairspray. You are rocking it everyday, due in part to a wide array of Wet and Wild cosmetics secured neatly in an amazing teal and purple Caboodle.

No one even makes fun of you for your braces, because the invention of colored rubber bands makes them nearly cool.
The biggest problem facing you is becoming a cheerleader for eight grade.
Then it happens, and its ok to laugh, because trust me you will want to.
The school nurse calls your folks with the news that you, my friend have scoliosis. And no, not a minor curve and a slight malformation. A doozy of a curve. One that requires this:







It was as scary as it looks.
Meet I am here to ruin your teenage years. AKA The Jerk

The jerk was awful.
I couldn't put it on by myself, and my mom wasn't able to help. So, here I am, 13 years old and my dad or older brother are putting this contraption on me everyday.
I had to wear old man tshirts under it so I wouldn't get a rash.
I had to wear it for 23 hours a day. TWENTY THREE HOURS!!!
It tore little holes in all my clothes.
There was no hiding it. Ever, at all.
I wasn't permitted to play any sports, because, (wait for it) - The school was concerned I could hurt someone if they ran into me.
It was hot, really hot.
And, after two and a half years (Um yeah, freshman year of high school as well), it did nothing. In fact, my scoliosis got worse. They say it had to do with my growth spurt, but whatever. It didn't work.
Before I move on to the surgery, lets just lay it all on the line- It was junior high. Kids are cruel. Yes -they made fun of me. Not all of them, but a lot. Was I surprised...Of course. Back then anyway, I was surprised, and hurt. Today, I know that its wrong, but its kind of how the system known as growing up works. I know it will be a very grim day for my kids if I find out they are picking on someone like that. I also know, that it is very likely that day will come. I hope that our future children and my nieces and nephews are the kids that stand up for the picked on kid. I hope that they are never on the receiving end of the picking on. However, I am realistic and logical. Growing up is rough, no matter who you are or what you do or do not have. I truly look back at this brace and laugh. It didn't make me jaded or taint my junior high memories. In fact when I read the prompt "Explain your junior high years", I had to think for a minute before I even remembered the brace. I like to remember the moments in my life as little things pieced together to mold me into who I am today

Now to the surgery...That is one of the best things to even happen to me.
The brace wasn't working. Like, I said my spine was actually getting worse. So, we went back to the doctor and he explained surgery was the only option. My spine was so curved it looked like a sideways horseshoe. Slightly straight at the top, a horseshoe curve in the middle, slightly straight at the bottom.
The surgery was scheduled for Dec 1st 1993. We showed up at the hospital (all 10 of us, because I like to arrive in style. That kid from Entourage ain't got nothing on me), and the doctor informed us that he had to have an emergency root canal. Fine by me, no way was I allowing a doctor to perform 12 hours of surgery on my freakin spine if he wasn't in tip top shape for it. Two days later, it happened. I went to the hospital, and 12 hours of surgery later, my spine was straight.
To put it in perspective, my spine was so jacked up that when they straightened it, I grew 2 1/2 inches.

Cool surgery tidbits:
Literally, in a matter of hours I grew 2 1/2 inches.
In order to measure how much movement they could make on my spine, they placed tiny needles in my ankles, wrists, and head. Before putting me under the doctor had me look at my hands. Using the little contraption he made my fingers wiggle. It was cool and freaky at the same time.
There were 9 people that sat in the hospital waiting room for over 14 hours while the prepped me and did the surgery. I have a very close family. My dad, however, nearly strapped my grandpa Jerry to the chair in the waiting room. He is a pacer.
Instead of my hip, because of the recovery time, the doctor used one of my ribs for the bone graft and fusion.
The doctor was amazing and my scars are barely visible.

Writers Workshop Wednesday

This week was tough for me. Really tough. I struggled with what to choose and how to write about it. And even still, I don't think its my best work. It was a tough week for me.

• I don't really recall anything I did in my like to really get noticed.

• I don't like playing the rearrange your life game. Mainly because I try to enjoy what life is now for all that it is. And I really believe that changing one thing, changes lots of other things, and then you are on a slippery slope. I know I know, its just a writing idea, but still I am just making my point.

• I wish someone told me....I don't know about that one. I don't look back and think that there was something I really should have known. The few things I do think of are kind of sad, and I am not in a sad place.
  

• What do you love to create.

So, here I am. #4 it is

Have you ever baked someone a birthday cake?
Taken a casserole to a friend or neighbor who is a little under the weather?
Handed a co-worker a plate of fresh cookies?

Do you remember their reaction?
I do, all of them. Every single one...

I remember being excited when random co-workers would stop by the department to see what was fresh baked for them to snack on.
I hold on to the thank you note from a friend who was grateful I dropped off dinner after her and her husband brought home their new baby.
I take pride in hearing people say "You should open your own bakery"
I smile ear to ear when Jim's co-workers call me the cupcake lady

I would say that I love to create food and that is this absolute truth, but you can't take away from the feelings and memories tied to it.
You may eat your cupcake and go about your day never thinking of it again. And that's fine, but I enjoy knowing that maybe for just a minute, I made someone a little happier.
That something I created, something I worked on made a difference. Even that difference was just a short lived sugar rush.

Writers Workshop Wednesday #1- Learning what its really about

I am going for teachers pet this week with Mama Kat. I have so many holiday memories, I am sharing three. So there! And btw...the next two aren't very long and will make you laugh. I promise!
And sorry about the Christmas music, but it seems appropriate. Plus, who doesn't love a NKOTB version of Little Drummer Boy?

I am 31, and I get as excited as a little kid for Christmas. I love the hustle and bustle of the crowds, I love to bake cookies while listening to holiday music playing in the background. I love to make a mug of hot cocoa and wrap presents and picture the look and the persons face when they open it up. I really think its the most wonderful time of the year.
And while I love it, it always brings it share of pain. My mom passed on December 1st, 1992 and she was the biggest lover of the holiday season ever. She made the time of year feel magical with her glow and excitement. The house was always decorated beautifully, and you couldn't help but smile when you walked in. She once stated that she wanted to hold on til after Thanksgiving so we wouldn't have to lose her at Thanksgiving. I think she really wanted to hold on and make it til Christmas, and I am sure that made letting go a little harder for her. The fact of the matter was, she couldn't hold on that long. Deep down she knew that it wasn't really up to her and holding on til Christmas wasn't an option. Even though she wanted it, she wouldn't be able to spend one more Christmas with us.

I go through quite a roller coaster of emotions during that time of year because of it, and often I bury myself in the joy to get through the pain. Make no mistake, my joy isn't fake, it just seems that I make sure I look at the glass half full over and over again during the holidays. I always loved them and I know more than anything that the last thing my mom would want me to feel at the holidays was sadness.

Back in 2003, Jim and I were married for a year and a half. We had bought a house, were working decent jobs, but, were by no means well off. We decided to forgo exchanging gifts to save money and have a "toned down" holiday season. I left the decorations in the attic and we didn't even buy a tree. It was a well intended plan but....
I backed out. In my heart I did anyway.
I was sad, so sad. I did my best to hide it, because it wasn't as if Jim had coerced me into the plan. I had agreed. The problem was, it creeped into other areas. I wasn't as excited to go out shopping and the Christmas music never really played. I spent more time thinking about the pain of that time of year, and it hurt. Looking back, it was silly. I should have taken out some of the decorations, baked the traditional cookies, etc. Toning it down for one year shouldn't have meant stopping it all together. Hindsight, of course is always 20/20.
You may be wondering where this is going and why I am depressing you with "The Year the Andersons Skipped Christmas", but here is why Christmas of 2003 has special memories for me:

1 I woke up Christmas morning, Jim looked over at me and suggested we head downstairs for coffee before getting dressed and heading to his Dads for breakfast.
I walk downstairs, and there it is. A tree. Not a huge tree, but the cutest little table top tree with tiny lights and a star crafted from foil covered cardboard, that only a guy could make. A gift sat under the tree - a set of crafting scissors for my card making. And over the mantle was my stocking. Filled with a pack of M&Ms and a Ferrero Rocher.
It was so sweet and meant the world to me. It didn't cost a lot, but to me was worth more than any other gift he had ever given me. He knew I was sad and rather than just letting it pass, he and his buddy went to Michael's Arts and Crafts and shopped so that I could have the Christmas joy I love.

2 I looked back and realized for my Mom, it was never about the things. Christmas never meant gifts or material things to her. It didn't even depend on the music playing in the background. Sure, those things were fun and she liked them, but they were, in some ways, a means to an end. What it was really about was the time with each other, the joy and the memories. Maybe that is why she held on as long as she could, and then decided it was ok to trust in what was planned for her and let go. She didn't want the memories to be tarnished by the pain. And for what its worth, they never were.

I learned a lot that year, from two of the most important people in my life

WWW - Part #2 Christmas with kids

This weeks prompt, memory 2
Jim and I moved to Florida in May of 2007, and this past Christmas we traveled back to spend the holidays with our family and friends. We spent the week at my brothers, and I have to say Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning were so so so much fun with my nieces. Since Jim and I don't have any of our own yet, we had never got to experience the joy of Christmas with kids.
I won't bore you with all of the details, but I will share their letters to Santa. Kara, who is the youngest insisted on leaving money (which she took from her own piggy bank) for Santa. She said she is sure he likes all the milk, but would need some money for coffee when he got cold. And how cute is it that she reassured Santa not to worry if he didn't deliver on getting her a Nintendo WII (which for the record he did not get her one, and it was never even mentioned after the note).

They are such sweet girls!

WWW - Part #3 Holiday Memory

This weeks prompt - memory 3
Editors Note...Jessica and Drew were never late

A shout out to my friends back in Ohio. They were always late to the annual holiday dinner our house, and I just picture this occurring in the car on the way to our house.
Its ok though, I still love em and they are the most amazing friends!

I'm not proud, but it was fun

Here is my contribution to Writers Workshop Wednesday.

I should start by saying that although this may not have been one of my finer moments, it was about as "mean" or "bad" as I got, so my parents must have done something right.

It was 1998, I was 21. It was not the greatest year for me. The how and why are irrelevant, but it involved a boy, so need I say more.
My friend Ang and I decided to get an apartment together and take on the world. We hadn't officially moved in, we were just getting the placed settled, but our parents and siblings wanted to be sure they could get a hold of us (that craziness is another story for another day). This was before everyone had cell phones. So, Ang's mom stopped by with this phone. I have no clue where she got it, because
A - It was 1998 and
B - We were 20 and 21

However, Her mom had stumbled upon a gold mine. It was the GIRL TALK PHONE. Not this one (that wasn't really a phone). No, this was a phone that could change your voice to go really slow or really fast. It would let you know if someone was on the phone, and when it was safe to talk again. I think the phone was pink and it was real. It also had some other features, but the most important (and the relevance to the workshop option #2), was the voice changing feature. Let me tell you, it was a little creepy.

It wasn't creepy for us, just the people we called. Usually we told people about the phone and then disguised our voices, but there are three times that we didn't (and again, it is not my proudest moment and I realize that we were adults, but still was fun):

1 We called our friend (who shall remain nameless) and had her so scared she wouldn't leave her room.
2 I called a girl from work and told her to "put the lotion in the basket" (and in my defense, I was coerced by her sister)
3 And the most hilarious, funny, and AWFUL moment was....Our friend Mike was over. This was long after the phone was put away, but somehow it came up. So, he called up a buddy of his and disguised his voice. The conversation went on and on and on. It got really heated and a few times I think Ang and I suggest to let Mikes buddy in on the "secret" It ended with the friend threatening to kick Mikes hind end, and Mike finally revealing it was us. The buddy claimed he know all along, but he didn't. He had no clue. We actually felt a little bad after that one, and the phone never came out again.
Looking back, that wasn't very nice, but we did always reveal ourselves and the friend that got really scared, scares easily, so we weren't really that mean.

Writers Workshop

Option #4
I debated back and forth on the letter to someone I miss, and something that I could do that would be a little more light and fun. The letter would have definitely been to my mom. The past 16 years without her have seen so much joy and sadness, that I would love to write to her. Today though, I just don't have it in me and I went with easy going. The letter though, it may come soon enough.

10 Things I Believe In


1 I believe that there is a right and wrong way to load a dishwasher
2 I believe it is impossible to be too nice
3 I believe you should practice what you preach
4 I believe you should think before you speak
5 I believe all grocery stores should double coupons
6 I believe that things like Christmas, Disney World and birthday parties are truly magical when seen through the eyes of a child. We have not been blessed with children of our own, but had the honor of waking up this past Christmas morning at my brother and sister in laws house with our two nieces. I have always loved Christmas, but it was so fun seeing the excitement on Christmas Eve and joy the next morning.
7 I believe people who enter the 10 items or less line with more than 10 items should have to put back items until they get to ten items.
8 I believe its OK to be 31 and want to sew, bake, and cook on the weekends.
9 I believe life is way too short to live with regret
10 I believe you should always remember to thank people, let them know they are appreciated, and be grateful for the people in your life.

One last thing...I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.
That's one from Ronald Reagan (no political affiliations referenced here, I just really like this quote)

A letter to me

09-03-2008
Assignment #2

Dear Ten Year Old Carrie-

Stop being such a brat to Mom. I know its a phase and for ten years you have been her sidekick and companion. I know it about a year it will change and you will be her friend again, but this time that you are going through right now needs to stop. Let her sit with you on the couch and watch TV, let her be excited about your life. And don't just let her - want her to, embrace it. Not every girl is as lucky as you. When you are 17 and the boy you really like says he wants to go the prom with you and then a week later tells you he doesn't want to go anymore - in the high school cafeteria in front of all of his and your friends, and when you are 21 and the boy you think you love breaks your heart, and when you are 26 and the boy you ACTUALLY love and were suppose to be with and you endure your first miscarriage, you will really really want her be your side. The trouble is, she won't be able to be there. Then there will be the times that you want to call her with your excitement...The perfect guy proposed, something hilarious happened at the grocery store, etc. etc. Again, she won't be able to be there. So knock it off and appreciate her.

Dad is an amazing man. Say this over and over again, because right now you think he is a complete dork. The thing is, he kind of is. He is by default, because he is your dad. He could be the coolest guy in the world to every other 10 year old girl, but since he is your dad he isn't. Yes he doesn't really know how to dress, but neither do you (and you will never quite grasp that one either for the record), and he has an El Camino that you are completely embarrassed to be seen in, but still. Don't waste a moment not seeing how amazing he is. He doesn't need to prove it to you. He will, in fact, he already has. Be nice to him. One day he will be the guy who leaves you gifts on Valentines Day when you don't have a boyfriend and all your friends do. He will the one that takes you shopping every year at Christmas and buys you a gift that no one else knows about but you two. He will be the one who proves to you over and over again what you should already know. He is an amazing man, father, person.

Your big brother isn't that bad. He is 13, your 10. I am pretty sure there is a rule written that older brothers are not allowed to like their little sister. I know you want him to "like" you and not pick on you, but even when you are 31 he will tease you a bit. Also though, when you are 15 and in the deepest stage of denial ever, he will the one to get you through. He will be the one who is legally, but not emotionally an adult, and yet he will do the most adult thing ever for you. He will go to your high school and find all your teachers and tell them that you are going through a rough time, that your mom is sick and you don't want to deal with. He will tell them to go easy on you, to understand that you are privately struggling. He will make sure you don't know he had these conversations. You will find out, on accident, and your view of him will change forever. As an adult he will become your friend. He will marry an amazing woman and will give you two nieces who you cherish and adore more than words can describe. So, yes, today he is mean, and annoying, but that's just how big brothers roll, and when you both grow up he will be the one you want on your side when the chips are down.

Don't worry so much what others think. Really, just stop. Kids are mean, teenagers are even more mean, and they keep picking on you because you react. Its mean, petty, and immature, but it is just the way it is. Don't give them the satisfaction. Don't try so hard to change it, because you can't. It isn't like it is in the movies, and most of the time it only makes it worse. Look around you and see who your friends. Hold on to them. Worry about them. Ignore the rest.
ps on this one: You will learn to love yourself, marry an amazing man, have wonderful friends, and want to laugh in all their faces one day. You will want to, and deserve to...but you won't.

Again, stop trying so hard. Be who you are, who you want to be. No matter what you have, how you look, and what you can do, chances are you will be able to find someone who is better if you want to. Someone will always be thinner, prettier, more popular, more talented, etc. Embrace you, love you, challenge you, define you. You will look back and see what a waste it was trying to change and be someone you weren't. And you will wonder who you were really doing it for in the first place.

Finally - HAVE FUN. Before you know it, there will be bills to pay, a job to attend, groceries to shop for, etc. Embrace the now. Enjoy the now. Because it will be only a memory sooner than you would like.




btw...loyal readers. I have not lost sight of why this blog was started. Recipes are a coming. Every Wednesday though, expect Writers Workshop Wednesday

Everything is gonna be all right -

Name Carrie
Date 08-26-08
Subject Assignment #1



I had a blankie and a security pillow. I still have a piece (literally, a tiny little piece) of the blankie. The pillow on the other hand, well I have it still. And for good reason. Thats it right there in the picture.

When I was little I would sleep on it and pull at the little feathers that would sometimes poke through at night when I was scared. I knew everything would be all right.

Sometimes I would put it on my Moms lap and lay there with her when I was sad. She would stroke my hair and everything would be all right.

When my mom was sick I would hug it at night and cry. I thought everything would be all right.

My mom didn't beat the cancer that she fought so hard against, and for a moment I thought nothing would ever be all right. I was questioning a lot of things at that time.
I would lay with that pillow at night, or in the morning, or whenever I needed to, and every once in a while I would notice it smelled like her. Things were not all right, but they were ok.

Then something happened. Our dog got a hold of the pillow, and chewed a hole right in the middle of it. I was devastated. It may sound ridiculous to some, but I was a sixteen year old girl devastated at the loss of her "blankie" that was for her, a pillow. Most probably didn't get it.

One person did...my dad. He took the pillow, found some thread and a needle and got to work. I laugh at it now. He is most definitely not a sewer. He grabbed the edges of the hole the dog had created, gathered them in a wad and ran the needle back and forth and sideways and however he could to close up the hole. It was/is not pretty. It doesn't matter though. In that moment, he was the dad, the mom, the comforter, the fixer, the everything. The man, that for sixteen years had just been my dad become both parents at that moment. I knew then that everything was going to be all right. It would never be ok that she was gone, but I knew at that moment, that we would make it.

We did..And some days, even though it has been nearly 16 years are much much harder than others. Some days I need the pillow, or the thought of it rather, and what it represents. I don't hold it for comfort anymore, but I will always have it near me.

Since that day, the pillow has had the case replaced twice (you can still feel that ball on the actual cover that dad fixed), it has moved four times (one out of state). It has endured many more memories.

My Dad and I have had a few downs, but mostly ups. He is an amazing man and father. I don't need that moment like that to see it now, but I guess I did then.

I don't have to sleep with that pillow every night anymore, but I know its there when I want it. It sounds odd to most that a 31 year old still has a pillow that brought her comfort as a child, but for me, its so much more than that.