Some announcement

The saga of Jon and Kate.

I debated on this post. A lot. The thing is, I feel so strongly about last nights stunt, that I have to blog about it.

I tried to stay above it all and not feed into the papers, and magazines, and E Entertainment channel specials, and pure greed. I really, really did. But, I fell of the wagon. I honestly have not watched the show since the first season. Once it started being all about product placement, free trips, hair transplants, and constant nagging and fighting for the sake of free stuff and money.

Before I get slammed, I know that they love those kids. The kids are well taken care of. What is debatable is what you consider "well taken care of". I wouldn't think the kids were neglected if they wore hand me downs that didn't match. I wouldn't judge any ones parenting if the kids didn't have a huge house, crooked play houses, or countless trips to museums, ski resorts, and amusement parks. When you look back on your life, do you remember and cherish the material possessions or the moments of ease and peace and happiness with your family? I remember making chef boyardee pizzas from a box on Fridays nights with my family. I remember the family vacations where we drive for 7 hours to Michigan to spend time with my grandparents. I remember my parents meeting my aunt or grandparents at the Arbys in Flint (the halfway point) to do vacation drop offs. Sure I also remember finally (after what seemed liked years of begging) waking up Christmas morning to a swatch watch (wow, I'm old), and a Guess sweatshirt, but that isn't a moment played back on the highlight reel.

When it started, it was probably really about the kids. Then, once it all starts rolling in, its pretty easy to justify it all by saying "its for the kids". A huge million dollar home is for the kids? My mom grew up sharing a tiny tiny room with three sisters and she turned out just fine. There were six kids, two adults, and one bathroom. If you can overcome that, you can overcome anything. Really though, is it all for the kids?

They can't say this show didn't change them. It's clear that it did. And while that may have been good in some ways and bad in others, it's reality. They also can't really say that the show and the fame and all that comes with it didn't impact the demise of the marriage. No more than any of us can say how changing one event in our life would shape the rest. That is why I don't ever play the whole "if you could change one part of your life, what would it be game". The answer is obvious for me. Then again, that one change, would change everything else. Life isn't a puzzle that allows you to change out one piece for another. At the end of the day, every action has a consequence. Some good, some not so good.


When TLC teased a special announcement, a quote "decision to bring the family peace." I vowed wouldn't watch. Then I thought, maybe these two finally get it and to me "family peace" meant stopping the show. Stepping away from it all, regrouping, getting help and trying to save a marriage and family. Would it have paid off? I don't know, but I think anyone who takes a vow of marriage and then proceeds to bring child into that union ought to fight with every fiber of their being to make it work. If you can say you tried it all and it didn't work, then who can fault you for that. I don't know that I agree with staying together and living a lie, a union filled with hate, anger, and bitterness, but I know that every kid deserves to have someone fight for them. To step back from it all and put them first. Every child deserves to have someone who will try to write their life story filled with peace and love.

We all experience pain in some form or another. I was picked on at school, and watched my mom fight, and eventually lose a battle to cancer. I have close friends whose parents have divorced, under both civil and not so civil terms. Each persons painful experience is different. No matter how you look at it, pain is pain, and no one can shield children from facing pain and adversity in their life. On the other hand, you can try and contain the damage.

The older girls are 8, and can certainly read. Their friends and classmates can read. And if they have a computer at home, they can access youtube, hulu, and various other sites. That means that they can read that magazine headline "We might split up", or "Jon is a dirt bag", and "Kates is a control freak". Who wants to go to school and be faced with all of that. Who needs more to add to the list of scrutiny that kids already face. And more importantly, who wants to have an on air account of their parents playing he said, she said and announcing the demise of their marriage. I don't know first hand the pain of divorce. I do know from many close to me that it resonates through your life. I can say with great certainty that most don't want to think about those first moments of learning about divorce, and they definitely don't want to be able to watch it over and over again on youtube.

No one stopped to contain that damage. Why didn't anyone think, maybe selling my story to People magazine isn't best for my kids. Why didn't anyone think that perhaps playing the victim might make you feel better, but it only makes your now ex spouse look bad to your children. Who cares who wins, who cares who did what first. What matters is that your kids deserve peace.

I can't and won't say that I know what is best for this family. It may be true that two happy parents living apart is better for them than two unhappy parents living together. However, I can say and will stand behind my stance that announcing your separation, and subsequent divorce for the world to see isn't fair to your kids. Using the separation announcement as a rating play isn't fair or respectable. I won't waiver on that.

I fell off the wagon and watched last night because I was truly hoping that they would announce they were ending the show to try and focus on their family. I am disappointed I watched.

The more I think of it, I realize that maybe my post is just more fuel to the fire. Maybe it feeds into the viscous cycle. And maybe it's none of my business. Then again, they kind of made it my business when they invited me and millions of others to see it all play out.

My first daring cook challenge - Potstickers

I recently joined the Daring Kitchen - a group the tests your baking and cooking skills each month with a new challenge. What is great about this group is that there is that you try a new recipe each month and learn and develop new skills. It is a fun, non judgemental group. You can post in forums for tips and help with the challenge. Everyone is in it for the love of the food and cooking and baking.

This months cook challenge was hosted by Jen at Use Real Butter and called for you to make Chinese Dumplings/Potstickers. You had to make the wrappers yourself (no cheating by purchasing store bought wrappers).
I made the wrappers using whole wheat flour and filled them with a pork filling. They turned out great. Pleating the wrappers was a bit of a challenge for me, but all in all it was great recipe and a delicious meal!

The filling - Ground pork, bamboo shoots, green onions, ginger, shitake mushrooms, and cabbage


Getting the dough together
First disc of dough for wrapping


My dumpling - not the best pleats, but they will do


Dinner is served. Nice crispy bottoms. Served with dipping sauce and broccoli slaw.

It's not you, It's me

Writers Workshop #3

It's been two months. I know, two months!
I am sorry. Things just got rough, and then we went on vacation and one thing leads to another and I start to think...."Should I even start up again?"

Where do I start, what do I say.
Then, I remember why I started. For me, for an avenue to vent and release and be me through some writing. I love comments, I really really do. Hopefully I will lure you all back.

I lost my job, and three weeks later, my grandpa. He wasn't just any grandpa. He was a friend (for real), and so many memories of my childhood have him in them.

Those two losses got me down. Really down. My friends and family know that I am not one to not have something to. I stay active. (not the exercising, healthy active - the always doing something kind of active). I can't sit still, I need to multitask and I like to squeeze as much in to my day as I can.

Well, after those couple of weeks I did nothing. I sat around watching movies, sleeping, reading the gossip columns. It was depressing. Really. I allowed myself to be that way for a while until I had a little "meltdown". Jim, my sweet loving Jim, assured me it was ok. I was grieving two losses (one more important than the other). I felt a little better, but by then, it had been a month away. Next thing I knew we were off on a dream vacation we had saved and planned for. I got back, and by then it had been over one and a half months away.

You get the idea. It got crazy, life got in the way. I was nervous to come back, but I am here. I hope you all still like me!

Thanks for the prompt Kathy!

It's still half full

I have had a rough week. On Tuesday, I became part of a statistic. Jobless.

I liked my job...a lot. I was beyond shocked that it had happened to me, and four days later, the reality is still setting in. I have cried at least once every day. My sister in law recommended allowing myself to grieve the job loss, many have told me to take a few days to relax and regroup. I am doing both. It has gotten much better every day.

I am riding a roller coaster and heres the thing...I hate roller coasters. I don't like scary yet safe, I don't like not being in control of what is happening to me, I don't enjoy the feeling of panic even when it is quickly followed by joy and safety. I would never voluntarily hop on a roller coaster. Nope, I say enjoy the ride and then I find a shop to visit or a snack calling my name. I sit and people watch while the others enjoy the thrill of unknown moments of ups, downs, twists, and turns. Not knowing whats ahead doesn't really work for me.

Through it all though, I have continued to see my world through a glass half full. I won't lie and say that it's been half full every moment, but when all is said and done that glass is half FULL. The half full glass is a reminder that:

• Jim is my rock. He was out of town when it all happened. When I picked him up from the airport, it all started to feel better. He reminds me it will all work out.
• I have amazing friends.
  
• Sometimes, even as an adult, all you need is to hear your dad tell you everything will be ok.
• People that I called "friend from work", are actually just friends.
• When you spend a Thursday morning cleaning, it leaves your weekend wide open
  

Still balancing, oh and I need some encouragement

Remember this post? You know, where I told you that Jim balances me? Well, we balance each other.
And Friday as we completed the second week of our eight week running program I was reminded why. The running program that I hate (and I won't even apologize for using that word), that I feel like a loser doing, and that I really really want to give up on. Until, as I was "cooling down" in the 6:15am heat and lovely Florida humidity, Jim said to me "Hey, its ok if you're not perfect at it, at least we are exercising, and I need you to get me up and motivated to keep going." And there is the balance. I have to tip the scales back sometimes as well.

Maybe I should back up.

You may know, and if not, are about to find out that two years ago we moved to southeast Florida from Northern Ohio. It was a big change in many ways. Many are amazingly positive, some are negative. One that is neither great or awful is the physical differences. It's hard to explain, but a friend said it best once when he said "In Ohio I am a bit out of shape, in Florida I am morbidly obese!" It's a bit of wake up. It's not just the stereotypical changes. I am not talking about the clothes, cosmetic surgery, or the cars. Sure, its a difference, but I don't care about those things. I haven't changed the way I dress (Jessica would still probably put money on me being the first to where a sweater with snowman buttons to a PTA meeting), the things I value, etc.

So let's just put it out there, sometimes it's hard to feel like you are in a sea of fit people and not be there yourself. I have often said that my weight didn't matter, but being fit did. The numbers on the scale don't mean as much to me as knowing that I am in shape. And the thing is, I could use some work.

We have taken great strides in eating better, but neither of us were really exercising. A few weeks ago Jim told me we should start exercising together. I, in a moment I will forever look back on with great regret, said "Why don't we start a running program?" And like that, it was done.

We found a program called "From the Couch to the 5K". Over the course of eight weeks, through interval training, you work your way through the program and are at the end, able to run a 5k. There are no promises for speed in the 5K, just the ability to endure and run the distance. Pretty simple right? Well, I would have thought so too. Then there was me on Friday, sweating and trying to breathe at 6:15 in the morning (and btw it's like 70 and humid at that point already).

I wanted to quit, and Jim kept encouraging me. I kept thinking, six more weeks, just get through it. Then the moment happened. I realized that he needed me for this. To get him up 45 minutes earlier than normal, to make him do this, to help us both. CRAP! It's my turn. I can't keep whining, and hoping we can quit. I have to make this happen, I have to be the balance. Did I already say CRAP!

How do you runners do it? Did you ever hate it? Is it bad that I have to remind myself to breathe? Am I loser because I struggle to run 90 seconds straight? How many Ibuprofen do you take before, during, and after each run? Are you suppose to lose 8 gallons of sweat during your run?

The truth is I want to enjoy this. I want to want to keep doing this after eight weeks. I do.

Do me a favor please. Send me comments and emails and tell me I am a loser if I can't do this. Tell me to push through this program or you will make fun of me. I need a kick in the pants.

It's hard to find the words

It's hard to know what to say as I sit and cry, hope, and pray with other blogging friends for this little girl who is in the fight for her life. Her name is Cora


And now the family of this little girl named Tuesday whose family sad goodbye to their sweet 2 1/2 year old yesterday.

I do not have children of my very own, but I know that NO parent should experience this.

Perhaps today you hug your babies tighter, you appreciate your spouse more, and you look to those around you and be grateful and thankful for every moment you are privileged to share with them. It kind of makes you stop and think doesn't it?


And now I say this

Cancer -
I hate you.
I know hate is a strong word, but it is actually a kind way to describe what I feel for you. I hate you with everything inside me.
I am united with Kathy in my hatred for you and agree with Meg and want to punch you in the face.
I won't even get into what you have done to me, and my family. But now, to these sweet innocent little babies. You are just evil.
You truly suck!

Ever wonder what would happen....

If you forgot to add baking soda to your cookie dough?



Yep...sad indeed.

I was planning on going back to the basics and making chocolate chip cookies. As I reached in the pantry for the chips, my eyes met the coconut. Why not?! Then, a lightbulb; nuts, pecans in fact. I was so excited. I quickly got to work, baking away paying no mind to my regular organized baking. I didn't premeasure my flour into a bowl and add the baking soda and salt. Nope, I was still in a haze of excitement over "my creation". I was disappointed as I pulled the cookies out of the oven. They were like little chocoloate/coconut/pecan hockey pucks, and they were burnt on the bottom. Do you think you forgot to add something Jim asks. The shock, the shame...Of course I didn't forget anything. As the words left my mouth, it hit me - "THE BAKING SODA!"

So, there you have it. All your baking soda mysteries solved!