Monday, December 15, 2008

It it always does

It happens every year. This time of year is always bittersweet for me. Usually its a whole lot more sweet than bitter, and that is a good thing. It doesn't matter because every year, I have my moment. The moment that I allow myself to give in to the bitter, the sad, and the painful. After years of fighting it, a few years ago I told myself to stop and let the emotion take over. The thing is, I can't plan it. Its not like I say "OK Carrie, cry, sob, get angry and move on." It just happens. And this years culprit were these:
Eyelets. What seemed like millions of them!
I spend most of this season like this guy....

However, after making A bajillion and three Christmas cards, I was tired, stressed and beginning to feel more like this:

It had been a long week. It don't think I stopped going going going for over a week at the point. I hadn't got to blog, my body ached and the Grinch was starting to creep up. I decided to call it a night and head for bed.
So, when I spilled the container of them all over the tile floor, I was done. I sat down on the floor of the dining room at 1:15 in the morning and sobbed. Like a baby. And the truth is...It had nothing to do with the four hundred and seventy thousands eyelets scattered around. I needed to do it. To grieve for the part of this season I long for every year. To feel the pain I think I am entitled to once in a while. To miss my mom and want her here. To miss the family and friends I still have that are not in Florida to celebrate with. To ask the questions I never ask. To let all that I hold in out. I let it out. And you know something? After a few minutes it did feel good. Then, I laughed because of how ridiculous that scene must play out in others minds. Now that that is over with....

The following day, I was still feeling a little homesick. Something arrived that would change that. Stay tuned.....

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