A letter to me

09-03-2008
Assignment #2

Dear Ten Year Old Carrie-

Stop being such a brat to Mom. I know its a phase and for ten years you have been her sidekick and companion. I know it about a year it will change and you will be her friend again, but this time that you are going through right now needs to stop. Let her sit with you on the couch and watch TV, let her be excited about your life. And don't just let her - want her to, embrace it. Not every girl is as lucky as you. When you are 17 and the boy you really like says he wants to go the prom with you and then a week later tells you he doesn't want to go anymore - in the high school cafeteria in front of all of his and your friends, and when you are 21 and the boy you think you love breaks your heart, and when you are 26 and the boy you ACTUALLY love and were suppose to be with and you endure your first miscarriage, you will really really want her be your side. The trouble is, she won't be able to be there. Then there will be the times that you want to call her with your excitement...The perfect guy proposed, something hilarious happened at the grocery store, etc. etc. Again, she won't be able to be there. So knock it off and appreciate her.

Dad is an amazing man. Say this over and over again, because right now you think he is a complete dork. The thing is, he kind of is. He is by default, because he is your dad. He could be the coolest guy in the world to every other 10 year old girl, but since he is your dad he isn't. Yes he doesn't really know how to dress, but neither do you (and you will never quite grasp that one either for the record), and he has an El Camino that you are completely embarrassed to be seen in, but still. Don't waste a moment not seeing how amazing he is. He doesn't need to prove it to you. He will, in fact, he already has. Be nice to him. One day he will be the guy who leaves you gifts on Valentines Day when you don't have a boyfriend and all your friends do. He will the one that takes you shopping every year at Christmas and buys you a gift that no one else knows about but you two. He will be the one who proves to you over and over again what you should already know. He is an amazing man, father, person.

Your big brother isn't that bad. He is 13, your 10. I am pretty sure there is a rule written that older brothers are not allowed to like their little sister. I know you want him to "like" you and not pick on you, but even when you are 31 he will tease you a bit. Also though, when you are 15 and in the deepest stage of denial ever, he will the one to get you through. He will be the one who is legally, but not emotionally an adult, and yet he will do the most adult thing ever for you. He will go to your high school and find all your teachers and tell them that you are going through a rough time, that your mom is sick and you don't want to deal with. He will tell them to go easy on you, to understand that you are privately struggling. He will make sure you don't know he had these conversations. You will find out, on accident, and your view of him will change forever. As an adult he will become your friend. He will marry an amazing woman and will give you two nieces who you cherish and adore more than words can describe. So, yes, today he is mean, and annoying, but that's just how big brothers roll, and when you both grow up he will be the one you want on your side when the chips are down.

Don't worry so much what others think. Really, just stop. Kids are mean, teenagers are even more mean, and they keep picking on you because you react. Its mean, petty, and immature, but it is just the way it is. Don't give them the satisfaction. Don't try so hard to change it, because you can't. It isn't like it is in the movies, and most of the time it only makes it worse. Look around you and see who your friends. Hold on to them. Worry about them. Ignore the rest.
ps on this one: You will learn to love yourself, marry an amazing man, have wonderful friends, and want to laugh in all their faces one day. You will want to, and deserve to...but you won't.

Again, stop trying so hard. Be who you are, who you want to be. No matter what you have, how you look, and what you can do, chances are you will be able to find someone who is better if you want to. Someone will always be thinner, prettier, more popular, more talented, etc. Embrace you, love you, challenge you, define you. You will look back and see what a waste it was trying to change and be someone you weren't. And you will wonder who you were really doing it for in the first place.

Finally - HAVE FUN. Before you know it, there will be bills to pay, a job to attend, groceries to shop for, etc. Embrace the now. Enjoy the now. Because it will be only a memory sooner than you would like.




btw...loyal readers. I have not lost sight of why this blog was started. Recipes are a coming. Every Wednesday though, expect Writers Workshop Wednesday