Good bye ocean

This past weekend Jim and I went to one of our favorite restaurants after a drink at our favorite bar down here. It was fun to share the time together and talk about the fun times we had down here.
Then on Sunday we said goodbye to the ocean. The ocean and beach just 20minutes from our house. I am not a water person (I actually fear the water), but we did have fun relaxing at the beach on the weekends. Some times we wouldn't even go in the water. We would just sit on our lounge chairs and read.

Here are just a few of the pictures I took. My brother will love the last three. I learned to be ok with my feet down here Chucky! Flip flops are a way of life.

Waves coming in. Pretty sky in the background

That's me, and yes I have on a LIGHT sweater. It does actually get chilly down here some days.

Jim says goodbye Florida, and GO Buckeyes!

Jim didn't know I was taking his picture (about 10 of them). He was watching this guy fish from the beach. I think Jim will really miss all the fishing he got to do down here.

One more ocean shot

I kept waiting for a wave to come up. I wanted to get a shot of the water just touching my toes...

Um yeah...not really what I was going for.

And back goes the wave.

PS...I don't really want to say why my brother will like these last few pictures and make fun of me even though I won't be there to hear it. If you look, you can figure it out.

New Years Day Tradition

While most people are starting diets, eating healthy and joining the gym, Jim and I are deep frying donuts.
These donuts are absolutely amazing. Be warned, they take time. They are yeast donuts and required to rise twice. They are so worth it.
Take a peek! I used my new camera (yeah, Jim rocks) for these pictures. I love this camera. I have no clue how to use it properly, yet it still takes great pictures. I can't wait to see what happens when I actually know how to use it.

The donuts on the second rise. I can't explain it, but I love this picture. I want to frame it!

First batch is out. We place the donuts on an upside down cooling rack over newspaper. This helps wick away the oil and prevents soggy donuts.

Time to make the donuts! (can anyone tell me what that is from because Jim must have said it 15 times that morning). Jim works on flipping batch #2

The surviving donuts, with glaze and sprinkles

Yummy January 1st breakfast

Anyone care to join us next year?
If you want some of your own, here is the recipe. We add 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon to the mix.

Changes

We are leaving warm sunny winters, the ocean, and flip flops. In less than one week we will go from tshirts to sweaters, flip flops to boots, and suddenly we will have to remind ourselves to grab a jacket on the way out the door. And here's the thing....we can't wait!

Life brought us to Florida three years ago. We packed it up, said goodbye to family and friends, and started this adventure. We had fun, and I loved the experience. Jim and I grew even closer, and learned new things. About ourselves, and each other.

Now, life brings us back to where we left three years ago. It is the start of another adventure. And this time we can share the adventure with the people we love and missed so much while we were gone.

Florida, thank you for the memories. We will visit, this is a guarantee.
Ohio, thanks for taking us back.

This ones for you Carmen

So, my sister in law scolded me and told me I need to update my blog. Considering she doesn't ever ask for much, I decided I should honor her request.
There was a post from December, but someone anonymous left a weird and slightly freaky comment so I took it down. Still, I didn't do so well in the blog department last year.
There is a lot to say, much to update and after today my blog will have a pretty new look.
Hope you come back again.

Stages

Some say they are seven, others say there are just five stages. However, if you have ever dealt with pain, loss, and suffering, you would know that five or seven is pretty much irrelevant. Grief if just grief.
Who decided to herd grief sufferers into a box, give them a list of steps and decide that that was the way everyone gets through the pain of grief anyway. Before anyone answers, I don't want to actually know their name.

It doesn't really help a person who is grieving to feel boxed in to a way to get through the pain. It makes it even worse when you feel like you're doing it wrong.

I lost my mom seventeen years ago, and for her I still grieve. On cool crisp fall mornings that I know she loved. For the look on her face that I never got to see when I walked down the aisle.
My grandfather, who was in my book one of the most amazing people I have known passed away five months ago. I grieve knowing I missed his last Christmas because we decided to stay in Florida last year. I grieve for my grandma who lost the partner that was her other half for 62 years.
I still grieve the children we lost to miscarriage. I grieve for the moments I longed for that will never come. The first steps, first words, first day of school, and so many more. The grief is different, but in all cases, it still sneaks up on me sometimes.
I still grieve, yet I have grieved according to the "plan". I have processed every step. Am I doing it wrong? Am I broken?

By the list, anger is number two, but I can tell you that I have felt it after number four, before number one, and again and again and again. I don't let it consume me, but the anger is still there.

I still bargain. I bargained on my wedding day, bargained when I sat getting the news that I miscarried, bargained when I knew Jim was the one and wanted to share the news with mom. I bargained back in May when I was booking my flight to let me make it there to say goodbye to Grandpa. I bargain a lot.

People ask if this gets easy, and all I can say is what I know. No, it never ever gets easy. It just get easier.

And by the way, where does happy fit into all of this? What about the moments I laugh out loud thinking back and cherishing the memories I was lucky enough to have?

I find joy in everyday. Everyday I find at least three things to be grateful and happy for. I have gotten past the stages and by all accounts, I have dealt with the loss. I am not doing it wrong, I am not a mess. I am human and I feel.

I guess I just need to say that if you are grieving a loss, any kind of loss, its okay to find your own way through it. Sit in your car and scream, cry when you want, laugh when you feel like it, smile and dance if it feels right.

Know that there is no right or wrong way, and understand that everyone does it differently.

Grief, by definition is deep mental anguish, as that arising from bereavement

Grief for those actually dealing with it is ugly and messy.
Grief, simply put, is as individual as the person experiencing it.

It's writers workshop time!

This week I picked two of the prompts from Mama Kats Writers Workshop.
# 3 - Tell us about Grandpa and #5 - Three things we want to know about you


#3 - Grandpa

I told you about one of my Grandpas last week on his birthday. This week I will tell about my other Grandpa, known as Papa Jerry. He passed away in May, and I have struggled with the loss since. I miss him very much and still feel guilt for not being there in his final moments and for being in Florida for the last two years away from him and my grandma. Here is my way of telling a little bit about a one of a kind, amazing man.

• Letting me "drive" when I was little
• $2 allowance every week (for doing nothing)
• Werthers candies with every birthday gift
• Pretending to be mad when I "stole" his peppermint candies
• Letting me comb his hair..mohawks, barrettes, and spikes were just a few styles
• Lollipops stocked in the secret desk drawer at all times
• The handmade tv stand
• Neon golf balls (and white ones too) stored in egg crates. Lots and lots of golf balls
• He insisted on wearing jeans even laying in the hospital bed
• The customary hey little lady greeting
• Buying me the pogo ball when Dad said no
• Buying me just about anything when Dad said no
• Making sure Moms resting place was always clean, pretty, and had flowers
• Friday night Fish dinners at the Moose
• Breakfasts at Choo Choos
• He always had a pen and notebook in his front shirt pocket
• A gentle giant
• Always taking care of Grandma who misses him so (married for 62 years)
• Treating my mom, his daughter in law, like his own.
• Always feeling safe in his presence.
  

It's a small small list of just a few of the little things that added up to one amazing, larger than life man. I am beyond lucky to have had such an amazing man for a grandfather.

Love you lots Papa Jerry! Missing you very much


# 5
Three things you might want to know about me
Here goes

1) Even at 32, I am still a little scared of the dark. When Jim travels I leave a light on when I go to bed. Because no one can come into the house and attack me if there is a light on....right?

2) A year ago I took up sewing and now I am obsessed.
I bought the sewing machine on a whim. I was buying fabric to re-upholster a chair and a woman was buying fabric to make a purse. She told me how easy it was, and then pointed to my purse and told me I could definitely make a similar purse with ease. One week later, I bought a beginners sewing book and a sewing machine. I have made purses, aprons, skirts, quilts, hot pads and more. I love it!

3) I wear my heart (and every other emotion) on my sleeve.
I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I laugh at my own jokes. When I am happy, or sad, or angry, it shows. I spent a long time trying to change it, thinking it was a negative. As an adult, and through my family, friends, and hubby I have realized that it's just a part of who I am. It is one of the things that makes me, well me. They like me (usually), I like me, and at the end of the day that is good enough for me.

Happy Birthday Papa

Although I could have thought of better ways for him to spend the day yesterday, I hope it was a happy one nonetheless .

A few fun Papa Mitt tidbits...

• He can teach anyone to play cribbage, and never gets frustrated. He may even let you win
  
• He can filet a fish in record time...and make it look pretty. This may not seem that glorious, but it's impressive to watch
• He is an example of the kind of man I looked for to be my husband
• He always seems to have a toothpick in his mouth
• He drove 7 hours each way from Michigan to Ohio more times that I can remember to be with my mom (his second child) when she was sick. He is also an example of the father I hope Jim is one day
• He likes to play dress up (see below)
  
• He too once exclaimed "Carrie is by far my favorite grandchild" :) (which may change after he sees the picture below)
  

Happy Birthday Papa Mitt! I love you and miss you!