I'll be happy when...

Prompt is courtesy of Kathy and writers workshop

Is it considered cheating to say I am already happy?
It's true you know.

Then again, I'll be happier when...

• The tile floor that takes up 85% of our house mops itself
• The same tile floor sweeps itself first. First with the broom, then with the Swiffer.
  
• The tile floor teaches the area rug to self clean
• Our cat Cagney brushes herself daily
• I can have a golden sun kissed glow without sun, either real or artificial
• My husband musters the strength to place the TP on the actual holder.
  
• The Dunkin Donuts staff stop asking me "and sugar" when I say "decaf toasted almond coffee with cream only please". I know it's silly, but it bothers me.
• People stop saying irregardless. I am sure it's listed in some dictionary, but it's really not a word, it's redundant and in my opinion a double negative. The less in regardless makes it a negative (without regard or not taking into account). So wouldn't irregardless mean NOT without regard. Either way you look at it, it's redundant.
  
• Giada and I spend an afternoon getting manicures (have I ever mentioned I love her nails), having lunch and cooking together.
  
• Alton Brown joins us for dessert
• Ina, Duff, and Tyler stop for some coffee.
  
• They all chat and realize I am just need some fine tuning, talk to the Food Network and give me my own show.
• My brother decides that Melt just isn't the same without me and stops going unless I am in town
• West Palm Beach and Cleveland are in the same county, in the same state.
• Bacon becomes a health food

Its a good thing I am a happy, lucky girl already!